Misunderstood
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Communication filters:
1. Distractions.
Are you and the other person(s) able to focus?
2. Emotional States.
What kind of mood are you and the other person(s) in? What emotions surface in the communication?
3. Beliefs and Expectations
What do I already think, believe and value and how different is it from what I hear you saying?
4. Differences in Style
How does my gender, culture, age, past life experiences, power dynamic, authority, personal style differ from yours in how we think about appropriate communication?
5. Self-protection
To what extent does this conversation feel like it could harm my security, status, value, belonging, approval, etc.
Sermons/School Lectures/YouTube videos are efficient communication strategies, but they are not the most effective ones. They lack a feedback loop.
In declining order of effectiveness,
· In person, with dialog
· Video call
· Phone call
· E-mail (Letter)
· Text
· Sermon
So let’s do a sermon!
1. Jesus was misunderstood by his family
Mark 3:20-21, 31 (NLT)
20 One time, Jesus entered a house, and the crowds began to gather again. Soon he and his disciples couldn’t even find time to eat. 21 When his family heard what was happening, they tried to take him away. “He’s out of his mind,” they said.
31 Then Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see him. They stood outside and sent word for him to come out and talk with them.
John 7:1-5 (NLT)
After this, Jesus traveled around Galilee. He wanted to stay out of Judea, where the Jewish leaders were plotting his death. But soon it was time for the Jewish Festival of Shelters, and Jesus’ brothers said to him, “Leave here and go to Judea, where your followers can see your miracles! You can’t become famous if you hide like this! If you can do such wonderful things, show yourself to the world!” For even his brothers didn’t believe in him.
How is your brother, Jesus, hard for you to understand?
How could you ask for deeper understanding in your family?
2. Jesus was misunderstood by his closest friends
Mark 9:30-32 (NLT)
30 Leaving that region, they traveled through Galilee. Jesus didn’t want anyone to know he was there, 31 for he wanted to spend more time with his
disciples and teach them. He said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of his enemies. He will be killed, but three days later he will rise from the dead.” 32 They didn’t understand what he was saying, however, and they were afraid to ask him what he meant.
31 Taking the twelve disciples aside, Jesus said, “Listen, we’re going up to Jerusalem, where all the predictions of the prophets concerning the Son of Man will come true. 32 He will be handed over to the Romans, and he will be mocked, treated shamefully, and spit upon. 33 They will flog him with a whip and kill him, but on the third day he will rise again.”
Luke 18:34 (NLT)
34 But they didn’t understand any of this. The significance of his words was hidden from them, and they failed to grasp what he was talking about.
John 6:53, 60 (NLT)
53 So Jesus said again, “I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you cannot have eternal life within you.
60 Many of his disciples said, “This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?”
Palm Sunday riding on a donkey with palm branches on path fulfilling OT prophecies
John 12:16 (NLT)
His disciples didn’t understand at the time that this was a fulfillment of prophecy. But after Jesus entered into his glory, they remembered what had happened and realized that these things had been written about him.
Footwashing in the Upper Room
John 13:7, 12 (NLT)
Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.”
. . . After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing?
After resurrection appearances
Acts 1:6-8 (NLT)
So when the apostles were with Jesus, they kept asking him, “Lord, has the time come for you to free Israel and restore our kingdom?”
He replied, “The Father alone has the authority to set those dates and times, and they are not for you to know. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
How is your friend, Jesus, hard for you to understand?
How could you ask for deeper understanding in your friendships?
3. Jesus was misunderstood by others
John 8:25-27, 48, 59
“Who are you?” they demanded.
Jesus replied, “The one I have always claimed to be. I have much to say about you and much to condemn, but I won’t. For I say only what I have heard from the one who sent me, and he is completely truthful.” But they still didn’t understand that he was talking about his Father. . .
The people retorted, “You Samaritan devil! Didn’t we say all along that you were possessed by a demon?” . . .
At that point they picked up stones to throw at him. But Jesus was hidden from them and left the Temple.
Who is a bit farther out relationally, but whose mutual understanding matters to you? What can you do about that?
Being heard is so close to being loved that, for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable. –David Augsberger
James 1:19
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. (NLT)
My dear brothers and sisters, always be more willing to listen than to speak. Keep control of your anger. (ERV)
Dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. (MSG)
Two Speed of Communication Categories
Quick Slow
Listen/hear Speak
Get angry
Helpful Understanding Sentences:
Could you help me understand something?
What I hear you saying is. . . Is that right?
How could I best support you in this time?
Prayer of Saint Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.
